In and Out: The Walking Dead Edition (How TWD helps my anxiety and depression)

I was introduced to The Walking Dead maybe in 2013 when I dated this guy who inconsequentially turned out to be the last man I ever slept with. That relationship is one that stands out for me, the most. Not only were we together for six years but we started out as friends first. In the end, it didn’t work out but I find myself being blessed more than cursed, as others may say about their past relationships. Since then I have overcome being jaded about my sexuality and found myself comfortable as an out lesbian. At the same time, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and juggling a new career fresh out of grad school. It was a whirlwind of new events and experiences I sometimes shudder at the thought of how it all began. Moodiness, laziness, and feelings of despair took over and even now still haunts me. The only thing that stays constant while battling my demons is my love and devotion — as a normal fan not a crazy one, of The Walking Dead series.

I can honestly say this show does not only satisfy my fascination of a dystopian post apocalyptic view of life and death also has cured my fear of zombies. Literally, the first time I ever watched the movie, 28 Days Later, I couldn’t sleep alone for a week. Anything gory, I would immediately close my eyes or turn away. But after watching it for so long, I feel so connected to not only the genre but the themes within the show. It points out the things that are important in life and that living isn’t just surviving, but thriving as a community. Following Rick and his group from the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, where fear and confusion is at bay, to his group evolving physically and mentally.

As a writer, character development is important to me. The way the characters portray their emotions through the trials they undergo, helps me to relate my personal pain. This show has been my rock through a lot of bad break ups, toxic relationships, and especially dealing with life’s highs and lows. Therapy twice a week and daily medication seems to be small beer when it comes to putting up my feet, snuggling in a warm blanket, and turning on TWD. It can be from any season. I watch the show from episode one to the end on Netflix and start it right from the beginning again.

Sometimes I take notes as I watch, writing down favorite quotes or themes being learned in that particular episode or season. One of my favorite quotes is from Season Six Episode two, “JSS”. Only fans will recognize right away but this was probably one of the strongest episodes of the season where the main characters, Rick and his people, are not only battling the dead, but are also attacked by a vicious group who call themselves the wolves. These people break into Alexandria, the town in which Rick’s group resides, and savagely kill everyone they come in contact with. Now sadly, that is not the part of the story I enjoy watching but none of the main characters die in this episode so this is safe for me to share. The moral of the episode is portrayed best through the meaning behind JSS. This episode opens with a backstory of one of the new main characters, Enid. She was not part of Rick’s original group from Atlanta but it shows how she was a survivor because she was able to take care of herself before she found Alexandria. Her parents were slaughtered by “walkers” or zombies, right in front of her. They saved her life by pushing her into their car while they were eaten alive. She is then on her own in the forest for a period of time, which they do not reveal, but it is long enough for her to eat a raw turtle when she comes across it. Throughout her hard time alone, she writes the letters JSS. The meaning is not revealed until the end, which means “Just survive somehow”.

JSS gave me goosebumps because in reality that seems to be the obvious choice. However, that’s the thing. It is a choice. Enid chooses to survive, which makes her a great addition to Rick’s group because they are all survivors. But what does that mean? To survive? I used to think that if a zombie apocalypse happened now, I wouldn’t make it. I couldn’t see myself as a survivor. I can’t fight. I am out of shape and I am afraid. Sometimes I just want to give up on life. Certain things I’ve gone through, from losing my brother ten years ago due to gang violence, to not being able to trust people, aches my soul to its core. My therapist reminds me that I can’t give up or have that mentality to want to give up. She asked me one day, what would Rick’s group do? And I applaud her for knowing the characters of my favorite show: even though I talk about it all the time, some doctors don’t really listen or care, so I was glad she did. She made me rethink the person I wanted to be. Yes it still is a daily struggle with my anxiety and depression but damn, TWD brings warmness to my heart whenever I am angry or sad about something. I watch the characters struggle through way tougher life or death situations than I do daily. It humbles me to know that if they can fight zombies and try to build a life for themselves in the midst of it, I need to pick my ass up, brush off my shoulders and take on the world, a day at a time.

My goal for this blog is to write about how this show has helped me and how it is continuing to help me overcome and be a better person and use my pain and suffering to help others through my writing. As Sargent Abraham(an awesome character from TWD) once said, ”I’m living darling, just like you.”